Engagement rings: school me.

[Cirrus]

Obviously I'm going to get something that a; I think she'll like and b; I can afford.

But are there any rules, traditions, faux pas? I'm clueless at this sort of stuff, might as well be a hoola hoop for all I know about jewellery and things.

[EndTime]

One rule...

Don't...

School is out of session

[linthat22]

Dude, a wedding band is all that's needed. Diamonds get hung on shit.

[clipless bumper]

I 'think' one of the 'rules' here in the US is spend 3 months salary on it.

You will get the highest quality stone for the least money if you stick with the stand round brilliant cut.
This cut is also the 'brightest', with the best reflections - many of the fancy cuts are really to shallow to reflect the light properly.
The indicators of a good diamond are the 4 C's
Cut
Clarity
Color
Carat
After you choose the cut, buy a diamond with the best clarity and color - of course these are the most expensive, but who want an off-color diamond or one with visible flaws.
Then the carat size will really be a matter of how much money you can spend.

[neilrocks25]

I went the tiffinys route it cost me about 2 and a half grand (£)
As has been said before they spend a lot more in the US as they have a bigger disposable income.

[sleewell]

Classic never goes out of style. This is what I gave Jenny

[PunkKitty]

I used to work in the jewelry business. I've seen many people go deeply in debt over engagement rings. DeBeers advertises that one should spend three months salary on an engagement ring. It's strictly a marketing ploy to separate you from your hard earned money. I know very few people that can afford to spend a 1/4 years salary on a rock and some metal.

Write your own rules. Figure out a budget that works for you. You and your future spouse might decide that you want to spend less on the engagement ring and more on the wedding bands. Or that you would rather invest the money in a house and go modest with the rings.

If you haven't asked her to marry you yet, you might want to do that BEFORE you buy the ring. I've seen many relationships destroyed when a woman says no. Those are the hardest refunds to issue. And if the ring was custom made it may not be possible to return it.

[Dave Lister]

Two words: Cubic Zirconia.

[Lloyd Blankfein]

Don't spend 3 months salary because that's what you heard. If you end up doing it, then that's cool. Just don't think to yourself that it's the 'rule.'

I just get engaged this last December after 5.5 years with my lady. I didnt have a set of rules- just went shopping. Went to about 5-10 stores and was starting to get frustrated because nothing I saw was making my pickle tickle. Tbh, I was about to just say fuck it and hold off proposing because I just could not find what I wanted (princess cut, diamonds around the band and on 14k gold).

In the middle of a work day, I decided to go out and look again, walked into a store and immediately saw it and told the lady I wanted it.

I wish I could be more help on the color, cut, quality etc. I had all that stuff written down as 'minimums' in each category. The whole thing is completely overwhelming.

Leave yourself some wiggle room because at some point (like the 5 year anniv.) you're gonna be adding on. Don't make that add on so far out of reach that you won't be able to do anything.

Anyways, here's the ring I got:

[benjamin801]

Just to provide an alternative viewpoint, my wife and I don't do diamonds. It's too hard to verify that yours wasn't mined at gunpoint by some 10 year old slave in Nairobi, and the whole history of the DeBeers cartel (i.e. the reason you even think today that diamonds are the "expected" engagement ring stone) is enough to turn your stomach.

My wife actually has several wedding rings she switches between depending on her mood and outfit. They range from things we found online for less than $100, to Tiffany items that were embarrassingly costly (but still no stones).

But we're weird liberal doofuses, so don't listen to us.

[neilrocks25]

Just to provide an alternative viewpoint, my wife and I don't do diamonds. It's too hard to verify that yours wasn't mined at gunpoint by some 10 year old slave in Nairobi, and the whole history of the DeBeers cartel (i.e. the reason you even think today that diamonds are the "expected" engagement ring stone) is enough to turn your stomach.

My wife actually has several wedding rings she switches between depending on her mood and outfit. They range from things we found online for less than $100, to Tiffany items that were embarrassingly costly (but still no stones).

But we're weird liberal doofuses, so don't listen to us.

Not Weird at all. Unfortunately my wife likes diamonds

And platinum, luckily she doesn't like anything to big or tacky

[neilrocks25]

Classic never goes out of style. This is what I gave Jenny

Yeah good taste

[Dickarms]

cirrus, again, paralleling my fucking life. now to read the thread...

[Dickarms]

ill be shopping here shortly.

[benjamin801]

Classic never goes out of style. This is what I gave Jenny

That's a beautiful ring. And the nice thing about getting a classic is she'll never have to explain or apologize for it. You'll never hear her, 20 years from now, say to a friend, "Yeah, it was back in the 2010s and heart-shaped diamonds were really trendy. What are you gonna do?"

[Steveijobzz]

Being a broke ass college student, I only spent 1500 on my wife's ring.

You've gotta remember that when you get married, you'll probably have to tack on a wedding band. Then a couple years later, an anniversary band. Do you really want something on you're wife's finger that costs as much as a down payment on a modest house?

Some of our friends have recently gotten engaged/married and its embarrassing how much money they've spent on rings. One friend, just out of college and only a couple months into his first job spent over 3 grand.

In the end you have to do what's better for you, but its becoming socially acceptable to actually ask your GF what she likes, so as long as its not a complete surprise to her, maybe try asking what she likes. I mean, she's hopefully going to have to wear it for the rest of her life.

[mrelusive]

I gave my wife an engagement laptop. Then I let her pick out her own ring. Last thing thing I wanna do is chain her to something she doesn't want. She spent $650 on her ring, I spent $150 on mine.

[sleewell]

Neil and Ben, thanks. She loves it and gets a lot of compliments.


Doesn't matter what you can afford. Give it with true love and give if with the intention of growing old with her and that's all that matters.

[ovid9]

I gave my wife a big shiny square cut moissainite. Yup, not a diamond. But, its what she wanted and I wasn't about to argue (pretty much the same reasons benjamin's wife doesn't want diamonds). Its about 2x the size I could have afforded had she wanted a real diamond.

To anyone who isn't looking at it with a gem looking at glass (whatever they call those things) or knows something about gemstones, it looks just as shiny and brilliant as a diamond.

I'm not suggesting this route, just saying, I'm super lucky.

But yeah, do your research, feel out what she likes, shop around, then buy.

And when I say, find out what she likes I mean:

She like yellow gold, white gold platinum, something else? What sort of cut does she like. Does she value size or brilliance (you can have both but it gets more expensive fast). Obviously, I'm not suggesting you do this like a survey, but its good to know what she likes.

After that, shop around, check out a bunch of different shops for prices and settings.

Pro tip- Don't spend so much you only pay it off 7 months before the marriage dissolves.

[fretless]

vintage

[Cirrus]

Thanks for all the words of wisdom guys! We've been together for more than ten years, have a house etc, and she's been kind of dropping hints that it'd be nice to have a wedding. So I don't think the amount of expense I go to is gonna significantly affect the outcome.

We're off to Prague in August for a week (mainly to see Roger Waters do 'The Wall'), I'm thinking of popping the question there in a move that'll be un characteristically romantic.

Maybe I'll get her an engagement cat...

[Marc G]

that 3 month salary rule is utter BS... buy what you can afford... the catch is getting a style that your wife to be will like... I have no shame in saying I took my mother with me to the Jeweler lol...

[Dickarms]

heres my main question: how does one pull off buying a ring w/o her knowing, when you share finances?

[indienoise]

heres my main question: how does one pull off buying a ring w/o her knowing, when you share finances?

It helps a lot when at least part of your income is in cash. Or, at the very least, you don't do direct deposit. Cash + hidey hole = my wife getting a new ring for our tenth anniversary. I know she WANTS it, but totally doesn't expect it. I've told her we can't afford it if she wants us to get a new house

[Ostinato Rubato]

that 3 month salary rule is utter BS... buy what you can afford... the catch is getting a style that your wife to be will like... I have no shame in saying I took my mother with me to the Jeweler lol...

Yup. This.

If you love your woman enough to have paid attention to her taste then have confidence in whatever you buy.

this is what I bought for my wife...



EDIT: it helps to find a certified diamond, and your lady deserves better than "I" for clarity. Any "SI" or better should be good enough and if you can, try to get her at least half a carat. that's all I'm gonna say about any standard you should maybe follow.