Ot : quitting a band I never rehearsed with

[stompboxfreak72]

I joined a cover band a month ago. They play every weekend and bc of the guys day jobs ( some 2nd shift) they cannot rehearse during the week. They can only rehearse when they dont gig. They gig almost every weekend.

So I learned 37 songs and worked my ass off but realized quickly that I did not do my due diligence. The band is not for me and I know I have made a mistake. I really like everyone so the guilt is even worse.

I learn on friday that my wife's schedule is going to change starting in April. She has to work every other Saturday from 2-10. I now have an issue I cannot circumvent. I have 2 little kids. I cannot possibly handle the band's schedule now.

The guitar player who is leaving is on bad terms with them and they dont want to ask him to stick around until they find someone else. I can play the gigs in March but I will not get any rehearsals and they will not be able to work someone else in bc... They play every weekend. Its a tarp.

I dont want to burn bridges but in the same breath the band has nothing invested in me. Nothing. Not even a single rehearsal. My reputation may take a hit for leaving them high and dry but I will make a fool of myself playing 40 songs unrehearsed anyway.

I do feel guilty about ever taking this gig. I like the people but I know I cannot be a long term solution and if I cover the gigs they will be in the same predicament in April as they are now bc I cannot play every weekend then.

Im in a real mess. They know my situation but are not accepting it. I got a text today basically saying they will work around me. I dont want any part of it though. Im going tobe blamed for cancelled gigs one way or another for a band I never rehearsed with. WTF ??? B

[KCTigerChief]

I joined a cover band a month ago. They play every weekend and bc of the guys day jobs ( some 2nd shift) they cannot rehearse during the week. They can only rehearse when they dont gig. They gig almost every weekend.

So I learned 37 songs and worked my ass off but realized quickly that I did not do my due diligence. The band is not for me and I know I have made a mistake. I really like everyone so the guilt is even worse.

I learn on friday that my wife's schedule is going to change starting in April. She has to work every other Saturday from 2-10. I now have an issue I cannot circumvent. I have 2 little kids. I cannot possibly handle the band's schedule now.

The guitar player who is leaving is on bad terms with them and they dont want to ask him to stick around until they find someone else. I can play the gigs in March but I will not get any rehearsals and they will not be able to work someone else in bc... They play every weekend. Its a tarp.

I dont want to burn bridges but in the same breath the band has nothing invested in me. Nothing. Not even a single rehearsal. My reputation may take a hit for leaving them high and dry but I will make a fool of myself playing 40 songs unrehearsed anyway.

I do feel guilty about ever taking this gig. I like the people but I know I cannot be a long term solution and if I cover the gigs they will be in the same predicament in April as they are now bc I cannot play every weekend then.

Im in a real mess. They know my situation but are not accepting it. I got a text today basically saying they will work around me. I dont want any part of it though. Im going tobe blamed for cancelled gigs one way or another for a band I never rehearsed with. WTF ??? B

Man, tough situation for sure, but you can't control your wife's schedule. If they don't understand that, then what kind of humans are they anyway? Add in the fact that you have 2 children that can't exactly be brought to the bar while you play, and it's even more obvious that it can't work.

You were honest with them, you did your part. Shit comes up, life goes on. Your rep may take a hit in the tiny circle of these guys, but when you tell your side of the story, it will easily be cleaned up.

Good luck man!

[theAntihero]

You need to cover the gigs in March, the excuse that they will just be in the same situation in April is bullshit. They can easily get someone else to do exactly what you are doing without rehersals.

At the very least you need to stick around until they get someone else but tell them that after march you are gone. The band has invested in you by not trying out other guys, it doesnt matter how few times youve practiced.

[K-Bizzle]

Brutal man.
Situations like that really suck but fuck it.
Its not your fault their on bad terms with the leaving guitarist but since you're leaving before any actual playing with them I don't see how they can be too miffed.
And if they are oh well, if you've got chops your reputation can't be that hurt can it?

[zach]

uh, babysitter?

[stompboxfreak72]

You need to cover the gigs in March, the excuse that they will just be in the same situation in April is bullshit. They can easily get someone else to do exactly what you are doing without rehersals.

At the very least you need to stick around until they get someone else but tell them that after march you are gone. The band has invested in you by not trying out other guys, it doesnt matter how few times youve practiced.

Part of me feels this way but I had no idea I was not going to get any rehearsal time. I did not know they could not rehearse during the week. Worse yet is that they segue from song to song in ways that I cannot pick up on the fly. They aren't playing arrangements true to the recorded version. It makes rehearsal imperative at least for me.

These aren't the easiest solos either. Last In Line took me forever to learn. A lot of Journey songs. All 80s stuff. I had to learn most of these from scratch and I learned so many that I have not fully digested the songs either.

But my guilty conscious does feel that I should do March but they are going to lessen their product and they will never find someone to learn all this stuff April. Never.

[draelyc]

I joined a cover band a month ago. They play every weekend and bc of the guys day jobs ( some 2nd shift) they cannot rehearse during the week. They can only rehearse when they dont gig. They gig almost every weekend.

So I learned 37 songs and worked my ass off but realized quickly that I did not do my due diligence. The band is not for me and I know I have made a mistake. I really like everyone so the guilt is even worse.

I learn on friday that my wife's schedule is going to change starting in April. She has to work every other Saturday from 2-10. I now have an issue I cannot circumvent. I have 2 little kids. I cannot possibly handle the band's schedule now.

The guitar player who is leaving is on bad terms with them and they dont want to ask him to stick around until they find someone else. I can play the gigs in March but I will not get any rehearsals and they will not be able to work someone else in bc... They play every weekend. Its a tarp.

I dont want to burn bridges but in the same breath the band has nothing invested in me. Nothing. Not even a single rehearsal. My reputation may take a hit for leaving them high and dry but I will make a fool of myself playing 40 songs unrehearsed anyway.

I do feel guilty about ever taking this gig. I like the people but I know I cannot be a long term solution and if I cover the gigs they will be in the same predicament in April as they are now bc I cannot play every weekend then.

Im in a real mess. They know my situation but are not accepting it. I got a text today basically saying they will work around me. I dont want any part of it though. Im going tobe blamed for cancelled gigs one way or another for a band I never rehearsed with. WTF ??? B

Man, tough situation for sure, but you can't control your wife's schedule. If they don't understand that, then what kind of humans are they anyway? Add in the fact that you have 2 children that can't exactly be brought to the bar while you play, and it's even more obvious that it can't work.

You were honest with them, you did your part. Shit comes up, life goes on. Your rep may take a hit in the tiny circle of these guys, but when you tell your side of the story, it will easily be cleaned up.

Good luck man!

BRO, I have a two year old and a not-quite-two-month old, and you know what that means? I don't get to gig at all! Had a good thing going with my cover band, we were starting to see some money & get a little bit of notice around here. Loved the guys in the band and the drummer would do just about anything to work around any difficulty on my end just to keep me in the outfit, but I had to step back by the time Mrs. Drae hit the 8-month mark in her pregnancy.

And the band was totally cool about it. Not happy, you understand, but they did not give me one oz. of shit about it.

Point being, like KC says, if they can't understand life circumstances that are beyond your control, then I don't think it's *your* rep that will ultimately take a hit, gnome sane?

[wrongnote85]

see if you can sit in for a set at a gig or two between now and march.

also, try to find someone to replace you. that will help your reputation more than anything.

['63-Strat]

Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew and are now freaking out a bit because you are under prepared honestly.

[stompboxfreak72]

uh, babysitter?

Complication....I also work weekends. I work 9-6 on Saturday. When wife works 2-10. I have a four hour gap already that I cannot cover. The band is a secondary problem. I have no nearby family and no support system to speak of. My wife and I have been a finely oiled machine and I have no idea what I am going to do as it is even without the band. Ill come up with something bc I have to but its not as simple as babsitter bc I would need child care from 1pm until 11pm every other Saturday to play in a cover band.

[zach]

is this thing on?

FUCKING BABY SITTER.


there is no problem unless the decision is made that there is a problem.

edit: since it's clear you need a sitter anyway, there is even less of a problem. nearby family is moot. finding a sitter to cover from 1-7 isn't any harder than finding one to cover from 1-11.

[draelyc]

Oh, and there's no way in HAYULL I'd play in front of a paying audience without at least one rehearsal. Not as a member of the band. I sat in with my drummer's former band once, but A) my drummer was also sitting in with his former bandmates, so I knew him and his playing, and B) as a trio, those guys were tight, so I was only there as a guest to add a bit of color, some fills, and the occasional improv solo. Even then, I didn't really want to do it without knowing the material inside & out, but since my playing was not integral to the performances, I went with it. But as a full blown band member, expected to carry my own weight? No way. Not without at least one run-through together.

[theAntihero]

You need to cover the gigs in March, the excuse that they will just be in the same situation in April is bullshit. They can easily get someone else to do exactly what you are doing without rehersals.

At the very least you need to stick around until they get someone else but tell them that after march you are gone. The band has invested in you by not trying out other guys, it doesnt matter how few times youve practiced.

Part of me feels this way but I had no idea I was not going to get any rehearsal time. I did not know they could not rehearse during the week. Worse yet is that they segue from song to song in ways that I cannot pick up on the fly. They aren't playing arrangements true to the recorded version. It makes rehearsal imperative at least for me.

These aren't the easiest solos either. Last In Line took me forever to learn. A lot of Journey songs. All 80s stuff. I had to learn most of these from scratch and I learned so many that I have not fully digested the songs either.

But my guilty conscious does feel that I should do March but they are going to lessen their product and they will never find someone to learn all this stuff April. Never.

Now see not knowing you wouldnt get rehersal time is a valid excuse but still the fact that no one could ever pickup all this stuff by April is bullshit. For all you know there are guys that already know the songs, you shouldnt concern yourself with that.

Your best bet is to find a replacement for them as wrongnote said

[zach]

Oh, and there's no way in HAYULL I'd play in front of a paying audience without at least one rehearsal. Not as a member of the band. I sat in with my drummer's former band once, but A) my drummer was also sitting in with his former bandmates, so I knew him and his playing, and B) as a trio, those guys were tight, so I was only there as a guest to add a bit of color, some fills, and the occasional improv solo. Even then, I didn't really want to do it without knowing the material inside & out, but since my playing was not integral to the performances, I went with it. But as a full blown band member, expected to carry my own weight? No way. Not without at least one run-through together.

simple.

get on stage with the whole band before the departing member leaves. lay off the solos, learn the transitions, and roll with it.

if it's an issue where you just don't want to do it, say so. claiming to be a victim of circumstance when there are things you could do otherwise is unbecoming at best.

[stompboxfreak72]

Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew and are now freaking out a bit because you are under prepared honestly.

I am under prepared only bc I was not suppossed to start until April. They cut their current guy loose a month early.

I have done fill in gigs without rehearsal before and gotten by fine but it was material I was familiarwith. I knew 6 songs on this set list when I started. I would have been fine by April with a few rehearsals.

You are correct though. I am freaked out a bit only bc I really like everyone in the band and I dont want to leave them in this state. Of course Im freaked out or I would not have posted this !

['63-Strat]

Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew and are now freaking out a bit because you are under prepared honestly.

I am under prepared only bc I was not suppossed to start until April. They cut their current guy loose a month early.

I have done fill in gigs without rehearsal before and gotten by fine but it was material I was familiarwith. I knew 6 songs on this set list when I started. I would have been fine by April with a few rehearsals.

You are correct though. I am freaked out a bit only bc I really like everyone in the band and I dont want to leave them in this state. Of course Im freaked out or I would not have posted this !

You said you already learned 37 songs, right? Have you charted them out? It's not the end of the world to have charts on stage in this situation. Much better than leaving them stranded after you said you could do it but if you can find someone else to take your place it's not that bad. Would you still be quitting if you didn't have to start until April? It's also not unreasonable at all to demand at least one rehearsal.

[wrongnote85]

^^^ that

[stompboxfreak72]

Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew and are now freaking out a bit because you are under prepared honestly.

I am under prepared only bc I was not suppossed to start until April. They cut their current guy loose a month early.

I have done fill in gigs without rehearsal before and gotten by fine but it was material I was familiarwith. I knew 6 songs on this set list when I started. I would have been fine by April with a few rehearsals.

You are correct though. I am freaked out a bit only bc I really like everyone in the band and I dont want to leave them in this state. Of course Im freaked out or I would not have posted this !

You said you already learned 37 songs, right? Have you charted them out? It's not the end of the world to have charts on stage in this situation. Much better than leaving them stranded after you said you could do it but if you can find someone else to take your place it's not that bad. Would you still be quitting if you didn't have to start until April?

Actually I struggle with all the solos. I know the material but they aren't playing note for note recorded versions. Their current guitar player is their 2nd guitar player in 3 years. He is a great player but he improvises and shreds over a lot of parts and they double up verses and tag choruses so he can noodle. My theory is that he never got rehearsals either and just winged it.

I just cannot digest the solos fast enough. I learn one note for note and then if I dont play it for a day or two I have to spend time reworking it out. Then I learn 6 more songs and it just keeps getting bigger. I could improvise and wing it. I think now that you point it out that I have tried so hard to recreate the recorded version that I am probably too hung up on sounding like the record. I can get through the songs though.

[stompboxfreak72]

I joined a cover band a month ago. They play every weekend and bc of the guys day jobs ( some 2nd shift) they cannot rehearse during the week. They can only rehearse when they dont gig. They gig almost every weekend.

So I learned 37 songs and worked my ass off but realized quickly that I did not do my due diligence. The band is not for me and I know I have made a mistake. I really like everyone so the guilt is even worse.

I learn on friday that my wife's schedule is going to change starting in April. She has to work every other Saturday from 2-10. I now have an issue I cannot circumvent. I have 2 little kids. I cannot possibly handle the band's schedule now.

The guitar player who is leaving is on bad terms with them and they dont want to ask him to stick around until they find someone else. I can play the gigs in March but I will not get any rehearsals and they will not be able to work someone else in bc... They play every weekend. Its a tarp.

I dont want to burn bridges but in the same breath the band has nothing invested in me. Nothing. Not even a single rehearsal. My reputation may take a hit for leaving them high and dry but I will make a fool of myself playing 40 songs unrehearsed anyway.

I do feel guilty about ever taking this gig. I like the people but I know I cannot be a long term solution and if I cover the gigs they will be in the same predicament in April as they are now bc I cannot play every weekend then.

Im in a real mess. They know my situation but are not accepting it. I got a text today basically saying they will work around me. I dont want any part of it though. Im going tobe blamed for cancelled gigs one way or another for a band I never rehearsed with. WTF ??? B

Man, tough situation for sure, but you can't control your wife's schedule. If they don't understand that, then what kind of humans are they anyway? Add in the fact that you have 2 children that can't exactly be brought to the bar while you play, and it's even more obvious that it can't work.

You were honest with them, you did your part. Shit comes up, life goes on. Your rep may take a hit in the tiny circle of these guys, but when you tell your side of the story, it will easily be cleaned up.

Good luck man!

I honestly think I am way more worried and upset over this then they are. My anxieties are riding high. I think the guilt that I could do March is weighing heavily on me and the fact that I never got rehearsal time in is just fueling the anxiety.

[Cirrus]

there is no problem unless the decision is made that there is a problem.

Man! The amount of times I've said that to my girlfriend. Only problem is, she loves making problems.

[Marc G]

Yikes... talk about a rock and a hard place... I'd say fill in where you can while your schedule permits and see if they can at least reshuffle their schedule to allow for at least one rehearsal which I'd like to think they would be willing to do since if you sound like shit they will sound like shit too... I see a lot of guys saying to get a baby sitter, and as long as you and your wife are comfortable with this and financially it's worth it I see that as a viable option....

[metalguy]

My input is this:

bands are nice and all and being a good guy for them and the band is a noble thing to do. But your wife and kids come first, and it seems that you realize that but you don't wanna screw them over.

IMO I would come up with whatever scenario that keeps your conscience clean from screwing them over that still abides by your impending schedule. To me that would be offering to cover the gigs in March while they find another guy to fill in, he/she would essentially be doing the same thing you and the last 2-3 guitarist would be doing anyway. If they can't understand that your family's well being comes before their hobby then they are fucked in the head. If they can't take that as a peace offering then I say you just walk at that point. I don't see a scenario that works out for the both of you other than that or just staying with the band.

[Axe]

37 songs without a rehearsal? Who are you, Tommy Tedesco?

[Dave]

Yeah, sounds like the band dumped all their eggs in your basket because they had an issue with the old guitar player. Not your problem.


Expecting you to learn 40 songs with their artistic license and no rehearsal is retarded. Quit now and quit dragging your feet. Be as up front as you can or the problem will build.


Weekly baby sitter for 10 hours? The difference between 4 hours baby sitting and 10 is fucking huge. And if baby sitters are the end to all time management problems then I can think of someone in this thread that could employ a babysitter to clear back log.

[Dave]

Oh, and there's no way in HAYULL I'd play in front of a paying audience without at least one rehearsal. Not as a member of the band. I sat in with my drummer's former band once, but A) my drummer was also sitting in with his former bandmates, so I knew him and his playing, and B) as a trio, those guys were tight, so I was only there as a guest to add a bit of color, some fills, and the occasional improv solo. Even then, I didn't really want to do it without knowing the material inside & out, but since my playing was not integral to the performances, I went with it. But as a full blown band member, expected to carry my own weight? No way. Not without at least one run-through together.

simple.

get on stage with the whole band before the departing member leaves. lay off the solos, learn the transitions, and roll with it.

if it's an issue where you just don't want to do it, say so. claiming to be a victim of circumstance when there are things you could do otherwise is unbecoming at best.

Dude, chill the fuck out. He's being pretty open about the whole deal. No need to blast him when he's already stressed.