Corporate verbiage

[GuitarBilly]

Today I couldn't use any of our company's reporting applications. First, it wouldn't log me in, then the queries were all messed up. I wrote IT an email and get this as a response:

"We are aware that deteriorated system performance has been observed with reporting software today"

deteriorated system performance has been observed????? What a way to say shit is fucked up!!

[Lloyd Blankfein]

Make it pop
Calling a problem an opportunity
Reach out
Touch base
Team player
Communicate to you

Glad that I don't have to talk like this. Today I told a guy that I don't know, "I can't understand what the fuck you're saying, do you have someone else there without an accent?" Arabs and their accents.

[~Abstract~]

*I lol when I think he's probably from India*

[Elessar [Sly]]

So typical. Are they subcontracted?

[nightflameauto]

That sounds about right.

We managed to kill our fax server and not notice it for over a week. So none of the faxed invoices or acknowledgements were going out, and no orders were coming in. Boss drafts a statement to customer service, who relies on it almost exclusively, that we had a "minor error" in our routines and that the small disruption should now be resolved.

No fucktard, we screwed the pooch and there's zero excuse for it. Our automated check routine failed because it only checks that it can ping the server, not that the phone services are running on it.

[sleewell]

Thinking outside of the box


I'm so glad my job isn't like this at all. I have been there and it wasn't me.

[Walt]

That sounds about right.

We managed to kill our fax server and not notice it for over a week. So none of the faxed invoices or acknowledgements were going out, and no orders were coming in. Boss drafts a statement to customer service, who relies on it almost exclusively, that we had a "minor error" in our routines and that the small disruption should now be resolved.

No fucktard, we screwed the pooch and there's zero excuse for it. Our automated check routine failed because it only checks that it can ping the server, not that the phone services are running on it.

Seems like you guys dropped the ball.
You must have had a lot on your plate.

[Devin]

Lulz, you should go fight those dudes

[nightflameauto]

Seems like you guys dropped the ball.
You must have had a lot on your plate.

The fax server is the boss's baby. That makes it doubly because he loves to point fingers if something fails, but in this case it's a laugh to him because he's the one that hosed up.

And we eventually found out he hosed it up by changing a path in the fax service to the wrong path. Better and better.

[Telephant]

Preaching to the choir broski. In the insurance world everything is lawyer speak and its irritating as fuck. I have to a read a sentence two times to get its meaning only to realize the exact same thing could have been written in a shorter and more concise way and made a hell of a lot more sense.

[Sasquatch]

Synergy muthafukkas!

[Reverse Entropy]

Oh man. Login FAILURE is not 'deteriorated performance,' it's a FAILURE. Splat. Corrupted queries or scripts are not deteriorated, they are FAILURES.
SLOW queries that eventually complete are 'deteriorated performance.'

I must say, our server team is a bunch of obsessive paranoiacs - everything runs smoooooooth because of it. Our last major failure was from an in-house electrician "helping" the service contractor who was working on the Liebert cooler for the datacenter. Electrician blacked it all out :

BZZZZzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmm....<silence>
<--- Electrician <--- I.T. Staff

Failover to the secondary datacenter went without a hitch but WOW was our infrastructure manager pissed. I heard the ass-chewing from a floor beneath them.