Guitar Gear Forum

AirForce 1 goes down in a small town country field. Emergency team rush to the location. They didn't find anyone? Local sheriff seen old Jake on his tractor. He went over to old Jake and asked him if he seen any survives. Old Jake said they were all dead so I buried all of them.



Sheriff said, "WAS THE PRESIDENT DEAD"? Old Jake said, "He kept telling me he wasn't but you know how he lies"

I'm ok to tell this one because I'm Irish.


A two seater Cessna plane crashed into a graveyard in Dublin...........
















.........Irish Police recovered more than a hundred bodies!

not so funny-
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar9tCjV3-A8[/video]

There's a lot of John Lennon memorabilia being sold on eBay lately.....












.....Imagine all the paypal....

she was so fat, when she danced,

the whole band skipped

Ha!

skybluegary wrote:I'm ok to tell this one because I'm Irish.


A two seater Cessna plane crashed into a graveyard in Dublin...........

















.........Irish Police recovered more than a hundred bodies!

Isn't that supposed to be a polish joke, with a Cessna crashing into a Polish graveyard? That's the way I always heard it. Pollocks are known for being stupid the Irish are known for being drunks.

I only ever heard it as an Irish joke. In the UK, we are regarded (by some) as BOTH stupid, and drunks!

And please, could you refrain from using that name for polish people.

skybluegary wrote:I only ever heard it as an Irish joke. In the UK, we are regarded (by some) as BOTH stupid, and drunks!

And please, could you refrain from using that name for polish people.

Sorry, I edited it. I meant Pollocks. I spelled it wrong.

Appreciate your effort Jon, but can we just stick to Polish please. Thanks.

srs request is too srs.

Lighten up "skyblue".

skybluegary wrote:I only ever heard it as an Irish joke. In the UK, we are regarded (by some) as BOTH stupid, and drunks!

And please, could you refrain from using that name for polish people.

Really I have never heard of the Irish being classed as stupid, unless they are a terrorist (Drug dealer is more the correct term) My Grandfather had more of a problem being Welsh than he did having Irish and German parents.

neilrocks25 wrote:

skybluegary wrote:I only ever heard it as an Irish joke. In the UK, we are regarded (by some) as BOTH stupid, and drunks!

And please, could you refrain from using that name for polish people.

Really I have never heard of the Irish being classed as stupid, unless they are a terrorist (Drug dealer is more the correct term) My Grandfather had more of a problem being Welsh than he did having Irish and German parents.

As long as we all hate the French

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"
Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"
Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"
Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"
--
An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall's parking lot.
"Lord,"he prayed,"I can't stand this.If you open a space up for me,I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said,"Never mind,I found one."
--
Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"
--
What's the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.
--
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."
--
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"
--
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

neilrocks25 wrote:

skybluegary wrote:I only ever heard it as an Irish joke. In the UK, we are regarded (by some) as BOTH stupid, and drunks!

And please, could you refrain from using that name for polish people.

Really I have never heard of the Irish being classed as stupid, unless they are a terrorist (Drug dealer is more the correct term) My Grandfather had more of a problem being Welsh than he did having Irish and German parents.

I'm Welsh

skybluegary wrote:One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"
Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"
Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"
Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"
--
An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall's parking lot.
"Lord,"he prayed,"I can't stand this.If you open a space up for me,I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said,"Never mind,I found one."
--
Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.'"
--
What's the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.
--
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."
--
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"
--
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

thanks for the laughs! loved the first one!

long standing member wrote:

skybluegary wrote:One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"
Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"
Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"
Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"
--
...............
--
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

thanks for the laughs! loved the first one!

I knew what was coming on the first one - but the last one got me!!