Anyone here ever been on long-term disability?

[Axe]

I've suffered from major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder ever since I was a child with five major breakdowns.

The latest bout started in March of 2010. I took two months off and attempted to go back to work -- I'm manager of corporate communications at a mid-sized municipality -- but crashed that October requiring a short hospitalization.

I haven't been able to return to work since then. I take my meds religiously and attended both group and one-on-one therapy up until February of this year. The insurance company has me working with a private health company to come up with a new treatment plan since -- for unknown reasons -- my recovery has been excruciatingly slow this time. I've been back up and running after a couple of months previously, but not this time.

I have come a long way -- after I got out of the hospital, I was as sick as I've ever been. I spent most of the day in a fog, sitting at my kitchen table, trying to do jigsaw puzzles to get me out of bed and stay somewhat focused. My brother -- a tough guy who rarely shows emotion -- burst into tears when he saw me for the first time after I got out of the hospital. He said I looked like I'd aged 20 years.

I'm happy to report I'm recovered enough that I started a running and diet program three weeks ago -- I gained 20 pounds while I was at my worst -- and I'm down 12 pounds and running 2.5k three times a week with a goal of 5k by the end of next month.

Even though I was hopeful a couple of days ago -- I actually had three good days in a row -- yesterday reminded me that I still have a ways to go. I had a significant setback and spent the afternoon in bed.

I'm trying to stay positive though and today's been better. The health centre has interviewed me and tested me, interviewed my wife, GP, psych and reviewed my case history and is in the process of developing a new treatment plan.

I guess my question to anyone who's been on long-term disability -- how did you manage? I feel tremendous amounts of guilt for being off as long as I've been -- depressives already feel guilt about just about everything -- and I've tried to stay busy with building effects, reading and spending time with my daughter and wife. But it's those times I feel like I can't do anything and I'm sitting staring at the wall that are the hardest times.

Oh well, one day at a time and all that.

[Yarbicus]

My wife has been on disability similar to yours since January of 2012. The biggest relief for her has been weekly therapy sessions. Like you, she is doing much better these days, but is still a long way from strong enough to go back to work.

Hang in there, brother!

[Telephant]

Depression and anxiety fucking sucks. I don't really have any advice cause I've never been on LTD but I empathize with the depression and anxiety part. Mojo brother!

[ovid9]

Depression and anxiety fucking sucks. I don't really have any advice cause I've never been on LTD but I empathize with the depression and anxiety part. Mojo brother!

These things!

I have no real advice to offer, but just positive thoughts, mojo and prayers dude! Hope things keep improving!

[Axe]

Thanks guys. Believe it or not, this place helps in its own way too. Usually good for a laugh or two and good advice on music and life-related things. Plus, no Dan or moobs.