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I have major depressive disorder and for many years would binge drink on weekends to self-medicate. Major meltdown in 2011 caused me to stop drinking. Haven't had a sip in 18 months. I do miss it though -- it was the only time I really felt good.

Axe wrote:I have major depressive disorder and for many years would binge drink on weekends to self-medicate. Major meltdown in 2011 caused me to stop drinking. Haven't had a sip in 18 months. I do miss it though -- it was the only time I really felt good.

This is why I drink. My doctor has put me on all kinds of different meds for depression and panic attacks. These meds make me feel like a Zombie. Five of Six beers and I good to go. I really think the beer is probably better for me than those meds

Pepi wrote:

Axe wrote:I have major depressive disorder and for many years would binge drink on weekends to self-medicate. Major meltdown in 2011 caused me to stop drinking. Haven't had a sip in 18 months. I do miss it though -- it was the only time I really felt good.

This is why I drink. My doctor has put me on all kinds of different meds for depression and panic attacks. These meds make me feel like a Zombie. Five of Six beers and I good to go. I really think the beer is probably better for me than those meds

You're probably right.

Just curious, do you exercise? It always helps me feel better.

Pepi wrote:

Axe wrote:I have major depressive disorder and for many years would binge drink on weekends to self-medicate. Major meltdown in 2011 caused me to stop drinking. Haven't had a sip in 18 months. I do miss it though -- it was the only time I really felt good.

This is why I drink. My doctor has put me on all kinds of different meds for depression and panic attacks. These meds make me feel like a Zombie. Five of Six beers and I good to go. I really think the beer is probably better for me than those meds

I started typing more or less what you said, but deleted it again.
I got started on Cipralex two days ago. I never binge drink either, I just want to numb the constant nagging of "something bad's gonna happen"
We'll see how it turns out. I want to be optimistic, hell, I CAN'T be anything but optimistic. I think there are many regular users of alcohol that more or less drink to shut something out that's there when we're 100% sober

Axe wrote:I have major depressive disorder and for many years would binge drink on weekends to self-medicate. Major meltdown in 2011 caused me to stop drinking. Haven't had a sip in 18 months. I do miss it though -- it was the only time I really felt good.

Same here. When I drink (and it doesn't have to be much), I feel a lot better. Trouble is, the anxiety really doesn't benefit from drinking either.
I felt better when I was active every day, biking or strength exercise.

ke2 wrote:

Axe wrote:I have major depressive disorder and for many years would binge drink on weekends to self-medicate. Major meltdown in 2011 caused me to stop drinking. Haven't had a sip in 18 months. I do miss it though -- it was the only time I really felt good.

Same here. When I drink (and it doesn't have to be much), I feel a lot better. Trouble is, the anxiety really doesn't benefit from drinking either.
I felt better when I was active every day, biking or strength exercise.

I really need to start exercising more. I may walk 6 miles a week and that's about it. I also think the affects from alcohol is only good at the time. The next day it starts all over again

I've been on long-term disability for a year and a half now. I've had depression most of my life punctuated by major breakdowns (five so far, I'm turning 41 in a few weeks).

I take 375 mg/d of Effexor XR and 300 mgs/d of Seroquel.

One of the best feelings in the world is after that second or third drink when you go soft behind the eyes and the depression and anxiety evaporate.

I've done the exercise thing many times over the years -- running, walking, swimming, gym -- and it has never lifted my mood in any significant way.

I've gained almost 20 pounds in the last year and that doesn't help my self esteem any. I just started using an online food journal. If I can't exercise, I'm going to have to carefully monitor my intake. It's too easy to snack when you're on disability -- not to mention the fact I eat for comfort too.

Axe wrote:I've been on long-term disability for a year and a half now. I've had depression most of my life punctuated by major breakdowns (five so far, I'm turning 41 in a few weeks).

I take 375 mg/d of Effexor XR and 300 mgs/d of Seroquel.

One of the best feelings in the world is after that second or third drink when you go soft behind the eyes and the depression and anxiety evaporate.

I've done the exercise thing many times over the years -- running, walking, swimming, gym -- and it has never lifted my mood in any significant way.

I've gained almost 20 pounds in the last year and that doesn't help my self esteem any. I just started using an online food journal. If I can't exercise, I'm going to have to carefully monitor my intake. It's too easy to snack when you're on disability -- not to mention the fact I eat for comfort too.

Man, that's tough to read, and can't imagine what you're going through. I hope you keep this positive attitude and mojo sent.

well this turned out to be a real downer.

Fuck, I need a beer now...

One of the best feelings in the world is after that second or third drink when you go soft behind the eyes and the depression and anxiety evaporate

Amen Brother

I quit drinking back in '09. I fell off the wagon one night last year, & had such a bad hang over, I cant make myself drink anymore.


At one point, I was going thru a 5th of jim Beam or Makers Mark , a night.

Everyone I was around all of the time back then, were heavy drinkers. I got tired of being around that all the time, and feeling like total hell every day. I quit cold turkey. The 1st 2 or 3 months were hell.

homestar_kevin wrote:well this turned out to be a real downer.

Fuck, I need a beer now...

Well, let's have a laugh at other people's expense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J41u0qa-3jU

I'm a drug addict and have to take Methadone every day because of it. Sucks being controlled by a substance.

I quit back in late October. I miss drinking as a social activity, but I don't miss the booze.

1. Quit drinking
2. Take up bath salts
3. ?????
4. Profit

Man, it's good to know I'm not alone.

I'd really like to reduce my drinking to social situations and once in a while on weekends.

1-2 mixed drinks or 3-4 beers a day isn't extreme, but it's become more of a self-medication thing.

It just seems hard to quit completely.
Recently, I've backed off more. Trying to not drink a couple days a week, but I can't fucking sleep sober.

phrophus wrote:I expected this thread to be better. I am disappoint.

/This.

I started hitting it full on in the summer of 2011. I had been on fluoxetine for depression, while on that I would have incredible urges to binge drink. I never drank at home, then started to. After a couple months I was drinking a six pack before work. It snowballed from there. At any rate, I was able to get help. I spent 30 days in rehab, not court ordered either. I actually think that was one of the best things I have done for myself.

Now I have a much clearer perspective on things, and really that makes a world of difference in my life. Really never realized how selfish I had become. I'm no longer on anti depressants and feel a lot better about it. My life is far from great, but I've learned to appreciate a lot of things I've got!

I hope your coworker/friend finds his way out of that hole. It's gets pretty fucking deep if you let it.

Axe wrote:One of the best feelings in the world is after that second or third drink when you go soft behind the eyes and the depression and anxiety..

Scary true.

It's weird too......my couple drinks is my tolerance now.

If I go out for drinks, I have my couple drinks, plus a few more.............feeling normal, feeling good...................then BAM, like a switch it all hits me at once. like being drunk snuck up on me, and jumped me.

WTF is that about.

Mojo sent guys, addictions are a bitch to fight.


Baba, keep pushing through man, you can do it.

A guy I used to work with (not a cop) died at 35 as a result of his alcoholism. He was a security guard at the hospital I worked at off-duty. He'd go out and drive around the campus and drink vodka, then use mouthwash to try to hide it. He got caught a couple times, made to go to EAP (Employee Assistance Program) and finally ended up being let go. He called in there one night while I was working and talked to me for about an hour, drunk off his ass and rambling on. I tried to convince him to go get help, but of course he did not. It was about a month later that I found out he passed. Far too young, and not a bad guy aside from his addiction. I've known a few other guys and gals, including my brother, who have ruined their lives to some degree or other via alcohol. At the same off-duty job, I had to stand by up in ICU with one of my co-workers (a cop) who was detoxing. That was NOT fun. I was alternately told I was a good guy and motherfucked the entire time. It's a hell of a drug.

Anomaly wrote:I'm a drug addict and have to take Methadone every day because of it. Sucks being controlled by a substance.

I was an opiate addict for many years. Methadone is worse than dope. That shit just makes you a depressed mess that can't feel pleasure or pain. What really helped me quit was realizing that if you can't feel life then you're already dead. Even feeling pain and anxiety can be seen as a good thing once you realize that that's what makes you alive. It's part of being human. Imagine one day you're old and wrinkly and you look back and realize that you were numb through this journey of life. It's an awful waste. I really hope you get off the methadone. I would recommend a taper, or better yet switching to suboxone and then tapering off that.

Mike LX-R wrote:So I mentioned in the "MLK who's working?" thread that one of my staff just didn't show up. Turns out another staff member got a hold of him yesterday. The conversation went something like this....

"Hey man! you alright?"

"No. I'm an alcoholic and just started drinking again, I can't stop, ... and I quit."

... my first reaction to learning this was but it's a shame really and I hope he figures it out soon and finds a new job.

Sad thing is, I've done the same thing. I quit a very good-paying job in order to drink full time. Shit, I've had difficulties with alcohol most of my adult life. Funny thing is, I didn't start drinking until I was 20 years old.

Been back on the wagon almost 4 months and sometimes it blows because of how bored I get by not drinking.