Guitar Gear Forum

^ wow......we're fairly similar! nightflame:eek:

I HATE being accused of things I didn't do, even if it would appear that I had.
My parents used trust a lot in discipline..........I'd get in trouble, and I had to earn their trust again...."from scratch".
It felt rather unjust at the time....but it's made me a very honest good person.

Wife and I haven't said we wouldn't have kids exactly, but neither of us feel good about having any yet.
It seems so pointless sometimes. Have a kid that you ship off to daycare for 40+ hours a week....doesn't make sense to me. Costs a fortune too.

I personally love kids......I wish I had taken a path that allows me to work with children. oh well. I grew up with very young brothers....so my tolerance to children is massive, and I know how to take care of them and deal with them.
My wife isn't as good with kids......
I can see how our discipline methods differ already with our dogs. I could easily see her being the "you just wait until your dad gets home" mom (she grew up like that).
I'm more of the strict, "I have an expectation that needs to be met or you will be punished instantly" dad (I grew up like that).

Scares me to think our relatively happy marriage could be ruined by us butting heads or not feeling like support over that shit.

Mike LX-R wrote:
I don't strike my children, but I'm not going to tell other people who chose corporal punishment that they are failing as parents. Maybe you were irresponsibly spanked, or maybe you're just a sensitive person, since it's still following you around.

I see what you're saying Mike but I feel really strongly about this issue. I think corporal punishment is cruel, ineffective and, more often than not, the result of lazying parenting. For those reasons, I see that as a failure of parenting -- not all aspects of parenting, mind you -- but definitely parental discipline.

I got beat with a belt a whole lot growing up.

I also did a whole lot of shit wrong.

I always said I wouldn't hit my kid.

But I do. A slap on the ass to get their attention...Don't run in the street, don't be mean to the kitty, don't hit grandma...etc...is good for them. It lets them know you're serious. He hit me in the face once and I spanked his ass. He hasn't done it since. He's thought about it, I've seen it in his eyes. Grandma doesn't spank him...so he hits her.

We're also starting to use timeout a lot more. He doesn't cry when he gets a swat. He BAWLLLSSS when he's in timeout.

When he's in timeout, I use the time to tell him what he did wrong and why it's wrong. He usually shuts up and listens. Then we make him apologize for the bad behaviour.

We're not perfect. But we're trying.

Axe wrote:

Mike LX-R wrote:
I don't strike my children, but I'm not going to tell other people who chose corporal punishment that they are failing as parents. Maybe you were irresponsibly spanked, or maybe you're just a sensitive person, since it's still following you around.

I see what you're saying Mike but I feel really strongly about this issue. I think corporal punishment is cruel, ineffective and, more often than not, the result of lazying parenting. For those reasons, I see that as a failure of parenting -- not all aspects of parenting, mind you -- but definitely parental discipline.

I can agree that the (vast) majority of people who use corporal punishment as a regular course of action are just lazy and don't want to do the actual work it takes to raise a child with consistent effective discipline.

As billy said taking away toys and grounding works well.
We also use a naughty spot. A place where my son has to sit quitly facing a wall and think about what he did wrong. It's only for a few minutes but it works well.

GAS KING wrote:good thing I ain't your kid slee!

I won't touch anything Marshall.

You must have had a fucked up childhood

to me it depends on the kid... some genuinely don't want to get spanked.. they don't like it at all and it's a fair deterrent and that was me growing up.. I didn't want to get spanked at all and id I thought I had the slightest chance of getting caught I wouldn't do it... no as I got older and the spanks didn't really hurt so much anymore, being grounded, no TV, no nintendo etc took getting spanked place... so.. I will probably spank but with in reason and only to a certain age..

I do, rarely. But I will crack that ass if it needs to be cracked.

Tell me I'm wrong and I'll come over and crack your ass too.......

When I was a kid, spankings were only reserved for severe shitty behavior. Mostly when I was really young and did something like running into the street or in a parking lot of a mall or grocery store, or throwing a huge tantrum in public. Usually doled out swiftly regardless of location. Being the early 80's it wasn't looked upon as abuse, but proper corrective behavior.

As far as my child goes, I just take away privileges. Rarely ever having to raise my voice or anything. Seems to work alright.

I got my ass whipped one time. ONE time. Well into my 20's, I still remember that day. It only took once, too.

My mom however, was a neck/back of arm pincher in public and a wooden stew spoon across the back in private kinda lady.

Lol, now I'm thinking about that dreaded day I got that ass whipping. Threw rocks at school and then I got busted forging my parents signature on the referral.

Lol, my mom came and picked me up and didnt even say a word other than, "your father will be disappointed. You will wait for him in your room."

I remember that time from 1pm to 6pm waiting. Seemed like a week. Lying in my bed and seeing his car headlights on the wall through the window. Then the door shutting and house door opening. Muffled parental voices from the living room and the subsequent footsteps to my door.


Lol. Fuck. Now I'm remembering RSBro's dad's rodeo belt he had for ass whippings because my dad had a solid brown belt with diamond holes cut in it. That fucking belt was aerodynamically designed to rip through the air in a straight line onward and inwards towards asscheeks.

I spanked my kids once or twice when they were growing up, more my daughter than my son, as he responded way better to reasoned discussion even as a baby, while she would get completely out of control at times. I didn't think it was particularly effective when I did it.

As a contrast, I was a boy scout scoutmaster, and one set of twin boys had parents who resorted to spanking on an extremely frequent basis. They got hit so often it had lost all meaning for them. When I met them they were probably 14-15 years old, and were by far the most out of control kids in the troop. They were naturally exuberant kids, so I can see the need for discipline, but the means used were completely ineffective. I worry about how it will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Funny how 99.999% of folks who justify hitting children were indeed hit themselves. It's the gift that keeps on giving, generation after generation.

God says to spank your children.

That's all I need to know.

frumiousbandersnatch wrote:Funny how 99.999% of folks who justify hitting children were indeed hit themselves. It's the gift that keeps on giving, generation after generation.

Hitting children is not the same as issuing discipline. Abuse is very, very much different than spanking a bratty 3 year-old who is just throwing a tantrum in a grocery store. Nice try slappy.

rear naked wrote:God says to spank your children.

That's all I need to know.

Proverbs 13:24

New International Version (NIV)

24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

That is awful.

Kids today are shitheads because they have a sense of entitlement and no sense of consequences. Put the fear of God into them and throw that beating.

Note: I abhor violence, however you need to teach consequences and taking away a cell phone or computer doesn't work. How do you teach consequences to someone who cares about nothing?

Discuss...

marshallnoise wrote:

frumiousbandersnatch wrote:Funny how 99.999% of folks who justify hitting children were indeed hit themselves. It's the gift that keeps on giving, generation after generation.

Hitting children is not the same as issuing discipline. Abuse is very, very much different than spanking a bratty 3 year-old who is just throwing a tantrum in a grocery store. Nice try slappy.

this..... and in the end, just like every form of discipline it has it's time and place as well as varying effects on each child... I really get a kick out of people trying to reason with a 2 year old an explain to them why what they are doing is wrong and how that isn't good... the average 2 year old isn't going to understand when you explain to them that if you climb on a table you could fall and hurt yourself... they will understand really quickly that if you climb on a table you WILL get spanked... and then they don't do it.. but hey... if you spank your kid once or twice and they don't react to it, then the 3rd time isn't going to make a change and hitting them harder isn't the answer either... that's when it's time to find other solutions.... some times the solution come easy depending on the child, sometimes you need to be creative...

GAS KING wrote:All of a sudden his little brother stands on the back of the couch and starts pissing into a big laundry pile (pretty messy people).....my friend does the exact same thing......they're just laughing like crazy.
I'm like WTF?!?


Not sure what I'm getting at here.......lol.

Yeah, that's definitely cause for an ass beating right there lol


I don't have kids, and don't plan on having them, but I would use the belt method if I felt it was necessary.

I learned my lesson quickly as a child - don't do stupid shit, don't get beat.

Mike LX-R wrote:You know, I asked my therapist about this. I asked him from a psychological standpoint, can corporal punishment have good behavior modification results without causing any real damage to a child. He said that yes it's possible but it's tricky because what causes the trauma is the anger that conveyed along with the hitting. Aside from feeling pain they are being psychologically affected by the fury that goes along with it. If you can use spanking as an emotionless, straight forward manner of consequence, and do so sparingly and not abusively you can achieve the desired result without any issues.

marshallnoise wrote:Corporal punishment is the most effective tool when used correctly. So long as the child knows exactly why they are being disciplined and the parent does not do so out of frustration or anger, the kid will learn the consequences for poor behavior.

^^^These. As long as you appear in control and resonable in the manner that you do it, you should be fine. If you come across as a rampant screaming hooligan, you're going to do a little more than intended. You also want to be sure that you're not modeling any ways of releasing anger destructively or violently.

I'm pretty far out from having any kids at the moment, but when/if I ever do, I think spanking in the proper manner should be used only as a last resort or in exceptional cases.

neilrocks25 wrote:We also use a naughty spot.

Yeah we have a naughty spot too...






...for my wife.

100 watt wrote:I spank my wife

I spank your wife too.

My parents talked of being hit with sticks and even a leather cat-o-nine tails! Lol

My old man lowered a touch and used the good ole belt. . He definitely had the technique down.. Grab my arm to keep me from running away and the other hand would unlatch his belt and pull it out in one slick motion.. The worst was when he got a little high and get me in the lower back.. ouch..

Did it work? Sure, i thought about it when i would consider doing some shit i knew would get me in trouble.. But i would still prolly take the chance and do it anyway.. So, it didn't really deter me much at the time.. Maybe it left lasting impressions on me as far as consequences at later times in life, but can't really say for sure. .

With my kids I decided to lower the amount of abuse and never hit them with a belt.. But rather punch them in areas that would leave bruises under their clothing.... lolol

Ok.. I'm kidding.. Sometimes Id hit them in their fucking face and drop em..

But most of the time i didn't hit them at all, but rather hit them with hard truths and reality.. I didn't sugar coat much of anything with my kids.. If they fucked up i would basically not get too angry but rather tell them what that kind of mistake will lead to later in life.. They'll still have to learn it on their own, like we all tend to do, but hopefully when they see all the consequences and truths i pointed out earlier in their life, as they make those mistakes again they'll recognize and remember what i told them and correct them..

I was beaten with a Crescent wrench ... Hell I turned out pretty good

You really can't make a blanket statement about ANYTHING when it comes to kids.

I do spank my son. There are times it's not an appropriate punishment, and I don't do it then. But I have no qualms about it.
From my (limited) experience, you just gotta do whatever is effective. For some kids, spanking might NEVER work. For others, it might be the only thing.

Sometimes, just the threat of going to have a "talk" is enough to get my son in line. Sometimes, it's a time out. Sometimes, the spanking actually has to follow. Sometimes, the spanking is completely ineffective (and that usually has to do with him truly not understanding why he's getting it).

I know for some folks, taking things away or time out or naughty spot or whatever works with their kids. With my son, it just doesn't reliably get his attention.

To me, the big thing is never doing it out of anger. Only when in control of my emotions and never repeatedly. Once should be all it takes.