Guitar Gear Forum

my rules:

dont shit where you eat

be with the woman you married for life

always put your kids first


I know this doesnt fly with everyone and may not be popular these days but growing up in a divorced household this is just how i feel and why i waited so long to get married.


i am being blunt here; seems like you have a crush on this woman. dont lose your future over it and think of your kid and wife.

Sasquatch wrote:I have told her I am in love with her

HCAF is alive!

You need to be:



and not

sleewell wrote:my rules:


i am being blunt here; seems like you have a crush on this woman. dont lose your future over it and think of your kid and wife.

Pretty much this is what I am going to do. I have a buddy who is telling me pretty much the opposite (he has a wife and a live-in girlfriend).

I know what's up, just wanted to share what I am going through and that it isn't easy.

I've been here many times. It is completely natural. Whenever I spend time with another attractive woman and we get along I develop what I call type-II feelings for her.

Type-I - I classify this as the slow-burn type of emotional attachment, the kind fostered when in a long-term relationship/marriage.

Type-II - is an acute desire, exacerbated by the "untouchable" aspect. If pursued, will be short-lived, awful, and ruin your Type-I. IF no type-I feelings occur for anyone else, type-II can be the BEST thing that will ever happen to you, ala "hit it and quit it", see : Donald Draper.

Murdoch wrote:If you are truly not trolling, then you should have told absolutely NO ONE about this. Not her, not us, not the crazy drunk homeless guy on the corner of Main and Elm, NOBODY. This should have been kept completely to yourself until the day you die.

Seriously, this is up there with Mave telling that one chick that she looked like some pron skank in his spankbank. In a lot of ways, it's worse.

See, this is where I sort of disagree. I didn't want to not tell this person that they are an amazon person; I don't think she gets a lot of this and I think she feels old and I just wanted to make her happier. I did cross the line and have told her and she knows it but is cool with it and is just happy that someone thinks that she is still young and beautiful.

Cougars live for this shit lol.

Sasquatch wrote:Hot woman at work who is 16 years my senior. I am 33 and have a beautiful wife and a 3 minth old baby. Am super happy! There is, however, this woman at work who is incredible. I have told her I am in love with her but I know nothing can happen and want to be friends. So, that's what I have been doing lately; jerking off to the lubrication of my own tears. Mfpomfs.

Ok dude, just calm down and take a cold shower.

So you made the mistake of totally putting it on this chick's radar that you have feelings and/or raw sexual desires and at the same time put yourself in jeopardy of losing your wife's trust and really hurting her feelings. It's not the end of the world, but you are starting to play around with very dangerous thoughts and it's important that you recognize that even posting about it in this manner is allowing yourself to indulge in your new infatuation even further.

You need to realize that these aren't real feelings you're having. There's lots of incredible people in the world to admire, but this is a fixation of your carnal desires. You're all hung up about it because you've been a good person to your partners most of your life and to compensate for your guilt you've convinced yourself that you have some level of genuine feelings for her to make it ok. Instead what that has done is confused yourself even further because you now believe that this has become something deeper than just a basic desire to fuck and plow.

Grab hold of your balls and be a man!!!! Either go satisfy that lusty urge to once again feel the bare touch of another woman or put your desires where they belong and get on with your life. Stop crying about it like a fecking school boy. And for God's sake stop calling it love. That kind of mentality will SURELY ruin your marriage.

Demiurge wrote:I've been here many times. It is completely natural. Whenever I spend time with another attractive woman and we get along I develop what I call type-II feelings for her.

Type-I - I classify this as the slow-burn type of emotional attachment, the kind fostered when in a long-term relationship/marriage.

Type-II - is an acute desire, exacerbated by the "untouchable" aspect. If pursued, will be short-lived, awful, and ruin your Type-I. IF no type-I feelings occur for anyone else, type-II can be the BEST thing that will ever happen to you, ala "hit it and quit it", see : Donald Draper.

THANK YOU for posting this. I really wanted to hear from someone who has gone through this exact thing an chose to not go there.

Huge thank you!

Sasquatch wrote:I am 33 and have a beautiful wife and a 3 minth old baby. Am super happy! There is, however, this woman at work who is incredible. I have told her I am in love with her but I know nothing can happen and want to be friends.

Sasquatch wrote:She has asked me at times "where were you when I got married?"

You both sound like real stand up people with your priorities straight. It's really just sad. I feel bad for your wife and kid. You already took it WAY too far by talking to this woman about it. You betrayed your family and put your ability to provide for them at risk as well. The only way forward from here is to never mention it to this woman again and act like it never happened if she mentions it. I would also seriously consider the possibility of grabbing her cell phone and deleting any texts if you can pull it off without getting caught and if you think there is enough evidence on there to warrant the risk.

OverDriven wrote:

Sasquatch wrote:I am 33 and have a beautiful wife and a 3 minth old baby. Am super happy! There is, however, this woman at work who is incredible. I have told her I am in love with her but I know nothing can happen and want to be friends.

Sasquatch wrote:She has asked me at times "where were you when I got married?"

You both sound like real stand up people with your priorities straight. It's really just sad. I feel bad for your wife and kid. You already took it WAY too far by talking to this woman about it. You betrayed your family and put your ability to provide for them at risk as well. The only way forward from here is to never mention it to this woman again and act like it never happened if she mentions it. I would also seriously consider the possibility of grabbing her cell phone and deleting any texts if you can pull it off without getting caught.

He made silly mistakes but this is normal confused guy feelings. Don't beat him up too much about it.

Yeah. Dude's head's prolly spinning as it is . No need in making him feel worse.

Mike LX-R wrote:

OverDriven wrote:

Sasquatch wrote:I am 33 and have a beautiful wife and a 3 minth old baby. Am super happy! There is, however, this woman at work who is incredible. I have told her I am in love with her but I know nothing can happen and want to be friends.

Sasquatch wrote:She has asked me at times "where were you when I got married?"

You both sound like real stand up people with your priorities straight. It's really just sad. I feel bad for your wife and kid. You already took it WAY too far by talking to this woman about it. You betrayed your family and put your ability to provide for them at risk as well. The only way forward from here is to never mention it to this woman again and act like it never happened if she mentions it. I would also seriously consider the possibility of grabbing her cell phone and deleting any texts if you can pull it off without getting caught.

He made silly mistakes but this is normal confused guy feelings. Don't beat him up too much about it.

IMO when you decide to marry and, even more importantly, have a kid then you also decide that you're man enough to provide for the family you've created. Putting your marriage and welfare in danger is incredibly selfish. Your child and wife are more important than feeding your immature insecurities and that tingle in your pants. The OP apparently never learned that. Again - your kid and wife are more important than your dick and ego.

Harsh? Yep. I'm an asshole, but it's the truth.

i think the worst thing is imagining your wife doing the same thing you did. couldnt imagine rolling over for some morning sex and thinking about her txting other dudes about how attracted she is to them and why they couldnt have met before she was married.

OverDriven wrote:IMO when you decide to marry and, even more importantly, have a kid then you also decide that you're man enough to provide for the family you've created. Putting your marriage and welfare in danger is incredibly selfish. Your child and wife are more important than feeding your immature insecurities and that tingle in your pants. The OP apparently never learned that. Again - your kid and wife are more important than your dick and ego.

Harsh? Yep. I'm an asshole, but it's the truth.

I'm not faulting you necessarily for being harsh. Read my first post, I wasn't being particularly nice about it. I was however letting Squatch know that this shit is sooo fucking normal and very typical game you start to play with yourself when you're married. Heed caution? For sure. Putting your whole life in jeopardy? For sure. Telling the chick he "loves" her a really fucking dumb idea? For sure. A mistake most married guys have made at some point? For sure.

Guy just needs to shake it off, and like you said... forget it ever happened. Any moral toil over how he's violated his marriage's sanctity is a waste of time.

Mike LX-R wrote:

OverDriven wrote:IMO when you decide to marry and, even more importantly, have a kid then you also decide that you're man enough to provide for the family you've created. Putting your marriage and welfare in danger is incredibly selfish. Your child and wife are more important than feeding your immature insecurities and that tingle in your pants. The OP apparently never learned that. Again - your kid and wife are more important than your dick and ego.

Harsh? Yep. I'm an asshole, but it's the truth.

I'm not faulting you necessarily for being harsh. Read my first post, I wasn't being particularly nice about it. I was however letting Squatch know that this shit is sooo fucking normal and very typical game you start to play with yourself when you're married. Heed caution? For sure. Putting your whole life in jeopardy? For sure. Telling the chick he "loves" her a really fucking dumb idea? For sure. A mistake most married guys have made at some point? For sure.

Guy just needs to shake it off, and like you said... forget it ever happened. Any moral toil over how he's violated his marriage's sanctity is a waste of time.

True - I agree totally.

nightflameauto wrote:Don't assume that just because you've made that mistake it means most have.

Fair. "Most have" statement withdrawn.

Enough have..

Take all that bottled-up horniness home and without a word, bang the ever loving shit out of your wife. For hours. Leave her breathless.

Eyes will always wander. When the heart and/or mind does, start putting the romantic work in at home.

Sasquatch wrote:

Murdoch wrote:If you are truly not trolling, then you should have told absolutely NO ONE about this. Not her, not us, not the crazy drunk homeless guy on the corner of Main and Elm, NOBODY. This should have been kept completely to yourself until the day you die.

Seriously, this is up there with Mave telling that one chick that she looked like some pron skank in his spankbank. In a lot of ways, it's worse.

See, this is where I sort of disagree. I didn't want to not tell this person that they are an amazon person; I don't think she gets a lot of this and I think she feels old and I just wanted to make her happier. I did cross the line and have told her and she knows it but is cool with it and is just happy that someone thinks that she is still young and beautiful.

Don't try to sugarcoat it. You texted her that you love her. That's not what people do when they just want to make someone happier.

And having this thread deleted would probably be a good idea, just in case.

Sasquatch wrote:
THANK YOU for posting this. I really wanted to hear from someone who has gone through this exact thing an chose to not go there.

Huge thank you!

Everybody feels an attraction to someone other than their spouse on occasion. That's normal. Confessing love for that person when you have a baby at home is wrong. Think of it like cheesecake when you're on a diet. It may look great, it may be tempting, but it's off-limits. You seem to be looking for absolution here. I doubt you'll find it.

Were you already texting with this girl? If not, randomly texting her that you love her and that she's amazing is even weirder honestly. You are lucky she's being cool about it. For now anyways.

Some of the responses of moral indignation sort of suprised me, I was expecting more of the "shag her!" type variety.

Murdoch wrote:

100 watt wrote:And having this thread deleted would probably be a good idea, just in case.

True, but this thread is far less of a threat to him than the fact that he sent her a text stating his feelings.

This is true.

I couldnt even think of doing that . I may cut up, but I couldnt do that to my wife.

Plus.. my wife is CRAZY . I feel bad when I see another woman checking me out in the grocery store lol.























*though seeing other women check my wife out has induced thoughts of the fap*