Time to quit my band?

[K-Bizzle]

Here’s the thing I love my band and things are going generally fine.
Singer is out having a baby and we’ve replaced our time practicing with Desecendents covers (my idea) and it’s been a blast.
I love all the people in my band and there is literally 0 bullshit ever.

The reason I’m thinking of quitting has nothing to do with any of that.

I started a company this summer and honestly it’s going well. Well enough that it’s requiring A LOT of my time and attention. I’m still working 9-5 for someone else but the goal is to be full time with it by June 2021 (or sooner if possible).

I also workout, train BJJ, and have a wife and dog that need my attention as well. Between all these things I’m finding little time for myself which I’m fine with in the short term. I just think not having that every Thursday night obligation to practice might be useful for spending more time either on the company or just taking a rest for a minute.
I honestly don’t want to quit any of the things I currently do but out of all of them I think band is the one I’d regret the least as it does t affect my health and I could jump back in sometime in the future without much lost.

What do you guys think?

[fretless]

first thing cut practice in 1/2 and see how it all flows . That way you are not walking away from it just yet and it may be a much better situation . When you have your shit together and every one keeps up on the material twice a month will be fine . You can opt for more if you want to prep for a gig or get the urge . If that doesn't gel in a few months then walk .

[primeholy]

You should tell them you hate them and to go fuck themselves. If they don’t like it, fucking rear naked choke time. It’d be even cooler if you’d knock em out Chuck Liddell style.

That reminds me, I still need to watch the Chuck & Tito 30 for 30.

[itchyfingers]

You spelled BJ wrong.

I dunno man, I feel like we make the time for things we feel are important. Just from your post, if I was in your shoes, I'd use the singer's maternity break as a time to focus fully on your business and see if you miss the band. That should tell you what you need to do next. Good luck man.

[linthat22]

Just a word of advice since you mentioned time with your wife and dog: keep your shit bagged.

If a kid comes into the picture, band and hound will take second place. Just saying. And I really hope your business takes off so you are your own boss.

[newholland]

trust me on this: taking coins out of the 'spirit enrichment' side of life and putting them into the 'economic push of your 30's side' seldom pays dividends. you won't get that time back, and you'll put it down for 10 years, and come back bald, tired, dumpy, and unenergetic, and have nobody to play with without extreme unction.

seen it a million times. next thing you know you're playing in a feathered hat with a hawaiian shirt, brown socks, and tevas at mccormick and schmicks doing singalongs to mustang sally, and wishing you had a two rock.

it's ONE NIGHT a week. you need people outside work and your marriage. and you need connection to cool people.

[Tortuga]

Pretty much anytime someone posts (should I) in here, they've either: a) already made up their minds and are seeking approval, or b) gonna do the opposite of whatever is said, because all the advice here is 'get rid of it', 'buy it', or 'are you fucking crazy??!!!?!'.

Almost better to load the revolver and play russian roulette

[crankyrayhanky]

Seems like your direction is taking place....but I will caution that you may be downplaying how hard it is to have a group of people who are all on the same page and have fun jamming together. I like the idea of going bi-weekly for a while as a test point

[Bonano]

Pretty much anytime someone posts (should I) in here, they've either: a) already made up their minds and are seeking approval, or b) gonna do the opposite of whatever is said, because all the advice here is 'get rid of it', 'buy it', or 'are you fucking crazy??!!!?!'.

Almost better to load the revolver and play russian roulette

So fuckin’ true.

[GuitarBilly]

If you have a band with people you get along with and zero bullshit, you have something valuable. I wouldn't take that for granted. Finding situations like this is rare and gets harder and harder as you get older.

I'd just try to adjust the practice schedule to be more in line with your life. No need to practice once a week. Learn the parts at home and practice once or twice a month or even just before shows just to get everything together.

The "jump back in sometime in the future without much loss" is not as easy as you sem to think it is. Hard to find like minded people without drama, especially once you get deep into your 30s and beyond.


I'm not saying "don't quit", that's really not my place to say, but I'm just pointing out that there's a lot of middle ground between practicing every week and quitting altogether. So my suggestion would be to explore the middle ground before making decisions.

[Zozobra]

If You're just doing covers at the moment then drop to once a month and see how that goes.

[JiveTurkey]

I just sent out a message this AM to my metal project. If everyone is on the same page and you can get by with a lighter schedule and the band can still function; it's cool. If not (and in my case; everyone is gung ho to practice every single week and do a bunch of difficult material requiring a lot of work); it sucks as you are the one holding things back. Billy's post is on the money, though. So don't make any decision lightly. Explain yourself and see what everyone else is thinking.

[sleewell]

i have 4 young kids so band practice night is one of the highlights of the week lol.

i wouldn't do it though if it weren't fun but it is very difficult finding the right group of people so that is a tough call.

[JiveTurkey]

i have 4 young kids so band practice night is one of the highlights of the week lol.

i wouldn't do it though if it weren't fun but it is very difficult finding the right group of people so that is a tough call.

Totally.

For me; the band has to have a goal that it is making obvious progress towards to warrant leaving home and going to do every week. We all need a night out to play; but if that night out is just going to a dead end jam for months on end; No thanks.

K-Bizz sounds like he has a working band though, so maybe put it on hiatus with the singer till everyone is back and refreshed and ready to go?

[Devin]

trust me on this: taking coins out of the 'spirit enrichment' side of life and putting them into the 'economic push of your 30's side' seldom pays dividends. you won't get that time back, and you'll put it down for 10 years, and come back bald, tired, dumpy, and unenergetic, and have nobody to play with without extreme unction.

seen it a million times. next thing you know you're playing in a feathered hat with a hawaiian shirt, brown socks, and tevas at mccormick and schmicks doing singalongs to mustang sally, and wishing you had a two rock.

And then you end up in a "Rigs of Dad" article

[JiveTurkey]

It's a slippery slope

[K-Bizzle]

If you have a band with people you get along with and zero bullshit, you have something valuable. I wouldn't take that for granted. Finding situations like this is rare and gets harder and harder as you get older.

I'd just try to adjust the practice schedule to be more in line with your life. No need to practice once a week. Learn the parts at home and practice once or twice a month or even just before shows just to get everything together.

The "jump back in sometime in the future without much loss" is not as easy as you sem to think it is. Hard to find like minded people without drama, especially once you get deep into your 30s and beyond.


I'm not saying "don't quit", that's really not my place to say, but I'm just pointing out that there's a lot of middle ground between practicing every week and quitting altogether. So my suggestion would be to explore the middle ground before making decisions.

This is the kind of post I was looking for.
I think you're totally right. I've been in a bunch of groups and hell even this band has had 100% different members in the past than it does now (current line up has been solid for 2 maybe 3 years?).
Honestly I had a blast last night and would truly miss my time with them.
I think I just need to shoot them straight and talk to them aobut it next practice. They know what I'm working on and why and I think would be pretty understanding as well as willing to move practices around here and there.

Singers due any day know and already wants to schedule her first practice back for early next month.
Facts also are if I have the ability to go full time at my company any time soon I'll suddenly have time again. Current time shortage is primarily due to the juggling and is therefore temporary.

[neilrocks25]

trust me on this: taking coins out of the 'spirit enrichment' side of life and putting them into the 'economic push of your 30's side' seldom pays dividends. you won't get that time back, and you'll put it down for 10 years, and come back bald, tired, dumpy, and unenergetic, and have nobody to play with without extreme unction.

seen it a million times. next thing you know you're playing in a feathered hat with a hawaiian shirt, brown socks, and tevas at mccormick and schmicks doing singalongs to mustang sally, and wishing you had a two rock.

it's ONE NIGHT a week. you need people outside work and your marriage. and you need connection to cool people.

110% this

[K-Bizzle]

trust me on this: taking coins out of the 'spirit enrichment' side of life and putting them into the 'economic push of your 30's side' seldom pays dividends. you won't get that time back, and you'll put it down for 10 years, and come back bald, tired, dumpy, and unenergetic, and have nobody to play with without extreme unction.

seen it a million times. next thing you know you're playing in a feathered hat with a hawaiian shirt, brown socks, and tevas at mccormick and schmicks doing singalongs to mustang sally, and wishing you had a two rock.

it's ONE NIGHT a week. you need people outside work and your marriage. and you need connection to cool people.

[ajaxlepinski]

If your company takes off, you may wind up with other people doing all the work and you'll have lots of time for the band.

[newholland]

trust me on this: taking coins out of the 'spirit enrichment' side of life and putting them into the 'economic push of your 30's side' seldom pays dividends. you won't get that time back, and you'll put it down for 10 years, and come back bald, tired, dumpy, and unenergetic, and have nobody to play with without extreme unction.

seen it a million times. next thing you know you're playing in a feathered hat with a hawaiian shirt, brown socks, and tevas at mccormick and schmicks doing singalongs to mustang sally, and wishing you had a two rock.

it's ONE NIGHT a week. you need people outside work and your marriage. and you need connection to cool people.

nicely done.

seriously though, preserve your playing and do it if you love it. i wish i'd spent more time trying-- but i kinda lost the thread doing electric, and it was so liberating coming back. i took a hiatus for a lot of my thirties playing banjo and acoustic, which i don't regret-- but i really could've stayed more productive. instead, i apprenticed, started my own biz, got married, rebuilt a house, built instruments, and spent a lot of time wishing i had musical outlets. by the time i started up again in earnest, i was near on 40, and all rock music i knew and loved had basically ceased to be.

don't matter-- doing cool shit now. just make sure if it's important you give it value and put energy into it, cause good people have ways of moving on and doing other cool stuff. if you don't.

[primeholy]

Watched Chuck & Tito. Pretty good. Check it. After you fuck your bandmates up.

[EndTime]

Just a word of advice since you mentioned time with your wife and dog: keep your shit bagged.

If a kid comes into the picture, band and hound will take second place. Just saying. And I really hope your business takes off so you are your own boss.

I mean it’s solid advice, cause for some reason dudes always seem to go down that path.

But I owned my own business since I was 22. Had kids at 20, And got married after 2 kids at 23. I played in bands the entire time I did all his. 2-3 times a week for 15 years straight. Played tons of shows. Came home hammered at 3am more times I can count. My old lady never said a word. You know why? Cause I said, this is what I’m doing. Don’t like it, don’t marry me. Don’t have that kid. But as soon as you have a problem with my music and I, then I don’t find it acceptable. She never said ONE word about it. In fact, I’m sure she ended up liking the time to herself on those rehearsal nights. So, everything Kbiz is going thru can be done easily, imo. I love music. I still play everyday, and I’m 41. It’s beem one of the most important things in my life to have this ability to create and play music at my finger tips. 65% of the reason I get up everyday is the idea of music being created or at the very least jamming out a bit.

But that’s what works best for me. I knew from a very young age music is my calling. It’s what speaks to me and affords me some sense of sanity, tbh. Didn’t know it way back when I started how important it is, but I realize now that I’m in my 40s I know it’s importance. If someone can give up music and find other things that give them what music gives me, then do that. But if anyone feels similar to myself I would never give up, in this case, is just one night a week.

Busting as getting a business running and all that is a drag at times, but all work and no play makes all of that business success worthless if you ask me. Work is a means an end for me. It’s never defined who I am. Music does that for me. That’s why it’s always been at the top of my list of importance

[RIFF]

You were talking about responsibilities, but career & family are there 24/7, & sure.. dont be irresponsible.
BUT, taking an evening out here and there to jam, shouldnt break anything & can provide a release that youll miss or even NEEDED after its gone.